ViperInBlack
Enthusiast
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2004
- Posts
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A few years ago, I met this guy who bought a new high performance car every 1-2 years. He explained that he never brought them directly home from the dealership. Instead, he would drive them to a local garage where he had access to a lift. He would then begin installing all the aftermarket equipment he had purchased before the car’s arrival.
He recounted one time when he had bought a set of super wide wheels that the manufacturer had failed to mention would not clear his wheel wells. He took a torch and hacksaw to the front and just a hacksaw to the rear. Now he had clearance.
I asked why he had not used the torch for the rear as well. He replied “why would I put a torch near the gas tank?” To which I queried “But why would you cut up a brand new car?”
I only received a flutter of the eyes in response.
Viper owners appear to operate under the credo: “The factory can build it, but I can build it better.” Warranty be damned.
I had this surgeon friend who bought a new Harley at least annually. He never told his wife before he bought each purchase, and she refused to speak to him after he had done so.
The pattern was: he would buy the bike, bring it home. She would note its existence and move his clothes into a spare bedroom. She would then not speak to him. Three weeks later, she would begin speaking to him again, and he knew then that his clothes were back in the master bedroom.
He could not shorten this three week implosion. He could, however, extend it merely by modifying the bike. Modify the bike; three weeks become four weeks.
It was theoretically possible for him to chain together modifications and wind up in the guest bedroom indefinitely. Therefore, most of his bikes exceeded her three week threshold.
I proposed that he offer her funding for plastic surgery as a bartering agreement in exchange for his surgically altering his bikes. So he tried that.
Unfortunately, she noted that her having plastic surgery may actually benefit him as well. Thus, it was not a fair exchange. She told him, however, that if he agreed exclude certain body parts in this surgical exchange, it was a deal.
He went back to the guest bedroom.
Likely his chopper magazines would eventually give way to other reading materials.
I told myself as I finalized the purchase of my SRT-10 that it was a perfect vehicle, and no changes were ever needed or desired. The next day I called Jon B. and began ordering stuff.
Actually, I rather like the stock shifter, but clearly…it is “stock” and, for that reason alone, it needs to go.
Performance nips and tucks are a bit easier to justify. I am certain that 850 BHP is truly essential for my trips to Kroger or to run to Blockbuster. It is also rather fulfilling to frighten people and small pets at idle.
Knowing that you can do 10.8 in the quarter makes it so much easier to sit in a school zone.
He recounted one time when he had bought a set of super wide wheels that the manufacturer had failed to mention would not clear his wheel wells. He took a torch and hacksaw to the front and just a hacksaw to the rear. Now he had clearance.
I asked why he had not used the torch for the rear as well. He replied “why would I put a torch near the gas tank?” To which I queried “But why would you cut up a brand new car?”
I only received a flutter of the eyes in response.
Viper owners appear to operate under the credo: “The factory can build it, but I can build it better.” Warranty be damned.
I had this surgeon friend who bought a new Harley at least annually. He never told his wife before he bought each purchase, and she refused to speak to him after he had done so.
The pattern was: he would buy the bike, bring it home. She would note its existence and move his clothes into a spare bedroom. She would then not speak to him. Three weeks later, she would begin speaking to him again, and he knew then that his clothes were back in the master bedroom.
He could not shorten this three week implosion. He could, however, extend it merely by modifying the bike. Modify the bike; three weeks become four weeks.
It was theoretically possible for him to chain together modifications and wind up in the guest bedroom indefinitely. Therefore, most of his bikes exceeded her three week threshold.
I proposed that he offer her funding for plastic surgery as a bartering agreement in exchange for his surgically altering his bikes. So he tried that.
Unfortunately, she noted that her having plastic surgery may actually benefit him as well. Thus, it was not a fair exchange. She told him, however, that if he agreed exclude certain body parts in this surgical exchange, it was a deal.
He went back to the guest bedroom.
Likely his chopper magazines would eventually give way to other reading materials.
I told myself as I finalized the purchase of my SRT-10 that it was a perfect vehicle, and no changes were ever needed or desired. The next day I called Jon B. and began ordering stuff.
Actually, I rather like the stock shifter, but clearly…it is “stock” and, for that reason alone, it needs to go.
Performance nips and tucks are a bit easier to justify. I am certain that 850 BHP is truly essential for my trips to Kroger or to run to Blockbuster. It is also rather fulfilling to frighten people and small pets at idle.
Knowing that you can do 10.8 in the quarter makes it so much easier to sit in a school zone.
. Bob
