Feeling Guilty

96GTS · Sep 1, 2013

This isn't car related, but I need to get this off my chest. Friday, I had to have my Jack Russell terrier put down due to heart failure. The vet asked if I wanted to be present at the time of injection, but told me since he had heart failure that fluid would come out of his nose shortly after he stopped breathing. Three years ago this wouldn't have bothered me, but in 2011 I volunteered unloading combat casualties from the MedEvac choppers in Iraq on my day off. Once we got them off the chopper, we rushed them into the ER and removed the foil-like blanket that kept them warm. At that time, I saw a LOT of things I wished I hadn't and it still bothers me to this day. Also, on several occasions, I escorted a local Iraqi man to visit his 9 year old son that had been trapped in a car that caught on fire and was receiving treatment at the hospital (in Balad, Iraq). He had burns over 90% of his body, and I think seeing a child in that condition is what got to me the most. I told the vet "no" and it had been eating at me ever since. My dog, Cowboy, was always there for me, and I feel like I wasn't there to be with him when he needed me most. After 23 years in the military I know not to leave someone behind, and that feels exactly like what I did.

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ViperSmith · Sep 1, 2013

Look at it this way - dogs are the most forgiving creatures on this planet. Your dog wouldn't hold it against you at all.

I couldn't hold it against you, putting a dog down is not fun at all. I put our 2.5 GSD down - jeez almost 3 years ago now. She got a bad fungal infection and just went downhill fast, I can relate.

WDW MKR · Sep 1, 2013

It's entirely a personal thing. I had to put my Corgi down last year after a battle with cancer. Stayed long enough for the initial sedative, then left. Most folks I talk to, both vets and people who had the experience, all say nothing good comes out of staying through the entire thing and tainting your good memories with very real medical reactions. The animal is in a deep "sleep" by that point, anyhow. Your old friend is still with you. Feeling guilty does neither of you any good and you know his entire existence was about making you happy - let it remain that way.

Ray W · Sep 1, 2013

Don't let sorrow trick you into forgetting all the positive things you have done. Dogs don't judge. Their love is unconditional. I have taken on the same decision. We carry the burden for the rest of the family. You did what was best.

2006red/whitecoupe · Sep 1, 2013

I have a hard time reading about things like this.

vipernut · Sep 1, 2013

The hardest thing in this world is putting your dog down...I just had to do the same thing to my 15 yr old Jack Russell....and I couldn't be there for her either.....it would have killed me to do so..as it was I was a blubbering mess!
All I can say is your dog knew you loved him (which is exactly why you couldn't witness such a thing)...and there's no guilt necessary!
I give you my heartfelt condolences....like I said..(for me) it's the hardest (albeit maybe the kindest) thing.
I hope neither one of us has to do it again.

Allan · Sep 1, 2013

I lost my best friend a few months back the same way.

Still feel emotionally devastated at times.

Crazy how attached we can become to pets like that. -they are more than pets, they are family.

Bobpantax · Sep 1, 2013

Your cute little loving friend was in pain and discomfort that would have gotten much worse. Dogs are very perceptive. If you had gone in with him, unless you are an exceptional actor, he would have sensed your sorrow and fear and been more fearful himself. He looks very content in the photos. He lived to make you happy and I am sure that he knew that he had succeeded. He would not have wanted you to be unhappy. It will take a while to mourn the loss. Perhaps a new puppy might be the answer.

BlackSnake99 · Sep 2, 2013

After we put out 11 year old lab down last month, someone asked me if I thought dogs go to Heaven. My response was that any place I would call Heaven has dogs. Lots of dogs.

Another thing I have heard said is 'Dogs aren't my whole life, but they make my life whole'.

As an aside, we get our new puppy in another 6 weeks. It was the best thing for me to do.

denniskgb · Sep 2, 2013

I have been there too but I stayed with the vet while he did the injection. We had an old English sheep dog Scarlet. I cried like a baby. The worst part about the whole thing was that we had had an appointment for that two weeks prior, Scarlet had stomach cancer....My wife didn't go or stay she did not want the memories of that.
You have been there for Cowboy all this time, so do not feel guilty about it. You know that and he does too.

HobokenViper · Sep 2, 2013

Sorry to hear about this. I have a dog and cat and don't think I would be able to go through with this myself. Such a hard thing to say goodbye to a member of the family like that.

STUGOTS · Sep 2, 2013

As an animal lover myself, not so sure I could be present either.

not everyone can, nothing wrong with that

swexlin · Sep 2, 2013

As someone who has been present, and then elected not to be, with 3 cats now, I can't blame you in the least. I had to have my cat Boo put to sleep last April. I said my goodbye to him, and let my vet handle him with care during his final moments. You did the right thing, and nothing to feel guilty about. You certaily didn't leave your dog behind, you were there for him to the end. I know I probably dont have too much time left with another one of my cats, as she has developed advanced hypertyrouidism. I just want to keep her comfortable until it is time.

STUGOTS · Sep 2, 2013

To be 100% honest with you, not much bothers me, in fact pretty much NOTHING bothers me, 78 pro MMA fights, blood ect nothing bothers me but the ONE thing I cant do is what you mention above, I simply CANT do it.

Don't blade yourself for that, means you have too much love for the animal in your heart to see that, im the same, nothing wrong with that my friend

eucharistos · Sep 2, 2013

as others have said, you did the right thing for you and for your Jack Russell

give yourself some time

peace

VYPR BYT 94 · Sep 3, 2013

96GTS, you say you feel like you weren't there for him but in reality, you were... you made a tough decision just taking him there to the vets in the 1st place.
Your little friend Cowboy would never hold it against you for doing what is best for him... which is exactly why he trusted you over the years. These animals have excellent senses and he knew you'd always take care of him.
You just have survivors guilt right now... and that's 100% natural.

Bird325 · Sep 3, 2013

Sorry for your loss, but Cowboy will never hold it against you ... perhaps the below will help. (Warning: Do NOT read if crying out loud would embarrass you)

The Rainbow Bridge

There is a bridge connecting heaven and earth. It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass.

When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. The old and frail animals are young again. Those who are maimed are made whole again. They play all day with each other.

There is only one thing missing. They are not with their special person who loved them on Earth. So, each day they run and play until the day comes when one suddenly stops playing and looks up! The nose twitches! The ears are up! The eyes are staring! And this one suddenly runs from the group!

You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet, you take him or her in your arms and embrace. Your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet.

Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated.

CEJ · Sep 3, 2013

Hard to say goodbye to a pet, but given what your vet said, you made the right decision. You remember the Cowboy in those photos.

MtnBiker · Sep 3, 2013

Thank you for your service, and for your service to those wounded soldiers. You obviously are a special person!

George Farris · Sep 3, 2013

This is making me cry ...

Lucy is 13 and Ethel is 11 ... gonna give them a big hug ... right now!!!

Bill Pemberton Woodhouse · Sep 3, 2013

You answered your own concern, as you have already given more than many with your Service to the Country, but as you said you have seen more than you care too and it still bothers you. You were so right to keep your good memories of Cowboy and not have that last thought of him passing. You did not just do this for yourself, you did it for his life with you --- he is at peace and his wonderful life with you will always be a wonderful memory, only.

Our Australian Sheperd is ill right now so I can relate, but your note has given me strength to realize what is important and what is best for all of us if he doesn't improve - thanks!

Grisoman · Sep 3, 2013

All dogs go to heaven my friend . . . and ready to kiss your nose again when you're ready!

swexlin · Sep 5, 2013

swexlin said:
As someone who has been present, and then elected not to be, with 3 cats now, I can't blame you in the least. I had to have my cat Boo put to sleep last April. I said my goodbye to him, and let my vet handle him with care during his final moments. You did the right thing, and nothing to feel guilty about. You certaily didn't leave your dog behind, you were there for him to the end. I know I probably dont have too much time left with another one of my cats, as she has developed advanced hypertyrouidism. I just want to keep her comfortable until it is time.

I'm sorry to say, I had to have Peeka put to sleep today. We discovered another issue, a malignancy on her liver, and she worsened very quickly two days ago. Everyone give your four-legged critters some love tonight.

Janni · Sep 5, 2013

Please don't beat yourself up over this. Choosing to allow your boy to go with dignity, and with a vet you trust, he was given a sedative, like was mentioned here, and eased over the Rainbow Bridge.

Your decision was made out of love. Cowboy knows your emotional state probably better than anyone - and he never would have wanted the image of him leaving this earth to cause you pain - you should rejoice in the good times and know that he's whole and healthy again and waiting for you.

He was an ADORABLE little dude and I am sure - Larger than Life - like all JRTs.

Thank YOU for all you have done. The last thing a faithful companion dog would want - is for you to feel guilty about allowing him the final peace he needed.

Your decision was made out of love - Cowboy knows.

Huge hugs from NC, Mike.

BlueLIGHTNING · Sep 5, 2013

I had a shep/lab cross who lived with us for almost 18 yrs, she had a great spoiled happy life but at that age she was falling apart and her body covered with lumps. Had to carry her up and down stairs, carry her out for her *** etc. We decided it was time, our vet did home calls for such things, as soon as she saw him she ran to her favorite cushion like she knew. He examined her and decided the best solution for her was to put her down, he administered the solution and we held her, I will never forget the look on her eyes like she knew she would never see us again. Her head fell on her cushion, it was done. I carried her in her favorite blanket to a grave under a tree in our farm. I made a 2x3 grave stone to put over her grave with concrete. I will never forget those eyes and not sure what the best solution is but you have to live within your limits. Dogs love unconditionally, he will understand

VYPR BYT 94 · Sep 6, 2013

swexlin said:
I'm sorry to say, I had to have Peeka put to sleep today. We discovered another issue, a malignancy on her liver, and she worsened very quickly two days ago. Everyone give your four-legged critters some love tonight.

swexlin, sorry to hear. I went thru this 2 times in 3 years... dog and then cat. It's tough.

96GTS · Sep 6, 2013

I remember hearing that dogs love you more than your spouse, but my wife disagreed. So to prove it to her I locked her and the dog in the trunk of my car and came back an hour later. Guess which one was glad to see me...

Rapps · Sep 6, 2013

96GTS we all feel your pain, including Cowboy. Moments are temporary, how Cowboy felt about you is forever. Cowboy knew your heart, he knows you struggle still, let it go, he was sick and grateful you used your strength to set him free.

96GTS said:
I remember hearing that dogs love you more than your spouse, but my wife disagreed. So to prove it to her I locked her and the dog in the trunk of my car and came back an hour later. Guess which one was glad to see me...

Now as for your wife..............man you in a whole world of hurt! -btw good humor thankfully it's only a joke

Fatboy 18 · Sep 7, 2013

George Farris said:
This is making me cry ...

Lucy is 13 and Ethel is 11 ... gonna give them a big hug ... right now!!!

Me too

My Dog is laying next to me as I've been reading this.

Without doubt Dogs and Cats are part of the family, cats can be a little more independent

Very sorry to hear of your loss.

It took me many years before I could get another dog. What swung it for me was when I visited a dog rescue centre, the lady said to me to think of the love and affection you could both have together in the dogs years, why deny yourself that opportunity.

My deepest condolences
Mark

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