Doc.
Enthusiast
The story you are about to read is true. No names have been changed to protect the innocent. It all starts out on a bright sunny morning in early October. I had just finished waxing my beautiful blue beast and I was kicked back on the front porch drinking a mint julep, enjoying the cool southern breeze. Life was good and I was the "king of the world." I was feeling quite cocky as I was one year into my five year retirement plan. I was on auto pilot, so to speak. Just 4 more years and I could quit work and maybe buy a bed and breakfast up in the Colorado rockies and leave the rat race for good. I was quite content with my small town Louisiana existence and I thought I had life pretty much figured out. Things were about to take a turn for the worst.
Having the day to myself, I decided to do a little web surfing. I accidentally ran across the viper club web site. I was actually looking up snakes as I had seen one in the yard that I wanted to identify. There were a couple of seemingly well meaning folks on that sight espousing the virtues of attending an upcoming Viper Days event in my area. "Come on out", said Russ Oaisis. "You'll have a great time", retorted Janni Cone. I was soon to find out that theses two are best described as minions of the devil himself.
I happened to be off during the scheduled event time, so I decided to attend.
Wanting to have my sled in perfect working order, I took my car to Bobby Archer for the once over. I ended up leaving the next three months mortgage payments there with him. Oh, he was nice and all, but I believe he too is involved in this great conspiracy to destroy my life.
Lets cut to the chase. I show up at the event and have the time of my life. I am on total sensory overload. RT/10's, GTS's, and Competition Coupes abound as far as the eye can see. Add to this the smell of burning rubber and the sounds of barking V-10's and you start to get the picture of how helpless I was to resist at this point. I'm not trying to put all of the blame on others as I was a willing participant, at first. Soon though, It was beyond all of my mortal powers to resist and I began doing hot laps. First slow easy ones, then fast (okay fast is a relative term) ones. Before I knew it I was spinning out of control on turn number three. I settled safely in the infield and collected my composure. My instructor calmly explained that for every action there was and equal and opposite reaction. He painted a picture of ying and yang, light and heavy,fast and slow. He then told me I was the Anti-PMUM. I'm still not sure what he ment by that, but I think it can be considered a compliment to even be named in the same sentence as PMUM. I continued do drive all weekend getting deeper and deeper into this sub culture they call Viper days. I felt like the undercover cop who has been "under" for so long that he can't really remember who he actually is. And to top it off, every one was so nice. Even the serious racers with multimillion dollar rigs took time out to talk to me. I believe the Viper Days sponsors should invite a few well known jerks to attend just to give us newbies a chance to get ticked off and break the spell we are obviously under.
On the way home I was thinking of ways to finance my newfound addiction. I took the dogs to the pound, and the gold fish. Well,
I'm to ashamed to say what I did to the gold fish but those of you with aquariums know how much those guppies can eat. I made a deal with my young daughter that if I increase her allowance to 10.00 a week I will not have to pay for her collage or a wedding in the future. I plan to get it in writing when she is of legal age to enter a binding contract .
I knew that I was in trouble when I joined Jenny Craig to help shed a few pounds to make my car faster. I tried a twelve step program but I got kicked out. When the group leader asked me about believing in a higher power, I told her absolutely, yes. I went on to add that I had thought about headers, full exhaust, and t&d rockers as a way to acheive a higher power and she asked me to leave. What was up with that? When I told my broker that I was thinking about selling some stocks to upgrade my car he vehemently advised against it. So I fired him. My five year retirement plan is now out the window as I have no idea how to stop the madness.
Let this serve as a warning to posers everywhere. NEVER let the track crowd talk you into going to a Viper Days event. While you may posses more shear willpower than I and be able to walk away, it is not worth the risk. It may be too late for me but you can still save yourselves. RUN, RUN , RUN.
Doc
Having the day to myself, I decided to do a little web surfing. I accidentally ran across the viper club web site. I was actually looking up snakes as I had seen one in the yard that I wanted to identify. There were a couple of seemingly well meaning folks on that sight espousing the virtues of attending an upcoming Viper Days event in my area. "Come on out", said Russ Oaisis. "You'll have a great time", retorted Janni Cone. I was soon to find out that theses two are best described as minions of the devil himself.
I happened to be off during the scheduled event time, so I decided to attend.
Wanting to have my sled in perfect working order, I took my car to Bobby Archer for the once over. I ended up leaving the next three months mortgage payments there with him. Oh, he was nice and all, but I believe he too is involved in this great conspiracy to destroy my life.
Lets cut to the chase. I show up at the event and have the time of my life. I am on total sensory overload. RT/10's, GTS's, and Competition Coupes abound as far as the eye can see. Add to this the smell of burning rubber and the sounds of barking V-10's and you start to get the picture of how helpless I was to resist at this point. I'm not trying to put all of the blame on others as I was a willing participant, at first. Soon though, It was beyond all of my mortal powers to resist and I began doing hot laps. First slow easy ones, then fast (okay fast is a relative term) ones. Before I knew it I was spinning out of control on turn number three. I settled safely in the infield and collected my composure. My instructor calmly explained that for every action there was and equal and opposite reaction. He painted a picture of ying and yang, light and heavy,fast and slow. He then told me I was the Anti-PMUM. I'm still not sure what he ment by that, but I think it can be considered a compliment to even be named in the same sentence as PMUM. I continued do drive all weekend getting deeper and deeper into this sub culture they call Viper days. I felt like the undercover cop who has been "under" for so long that he can't really remember who he actually is. And to top it off, every one was so nice. Even the serious racers with multimillion dollar rigs took time out to talk to me. I believe the Viper Days sponsors should invite a few well known jerks to attend just to give us newbies a chance to get ticked off and break the spell we are obviously under.
On the way home I was thinking of ways to finance my newfound addiction. I took the dogs to the pound, and the gold fish. Well,
I'm to ashamed to say what I did to the gold fish but those of you with aquariums know how much those guppies can eat. I made a deal with my young daughter that if I increase her allowance to 10.00 a week I will not have to pay for her collage or a wedding in the future. I plan to get it in writing when she is of legal age to enter a binding contract . I knew that I was in trouble when I joined Jenny Craig to help shed a few pounds to make my car faster. I tried a twelve step program but I got kicked out. When the group leader asked me about believing in a higher power, I told her absolutely, yes. I went on to add that I had thought about headers, full exhaust, and t&d rockers as a way to acheive a higher power and she asked me to leave. What was up with that? When I told my broker that I was thinking about selling some stocks to upgrade my car he vehemently advised against it. So I fired him. My five year retirement plan is now out the window as I have no idea how to stop the madness.
Let this serve as a warning to posers everywhere. NEVER let the track crowd talk you into going to a Viper Days event. While you may posses more shear willpower than I and be able to walk away, it is not worth the risk. It may be too late for me but you can still save yourselves. RUN, RUN , RUN.
Doc
