glenn hofstetter
Viper Owner
I grew up in a America of plenty. Gas was $.399/gal and if you got a fill-up they gave you triple trading stamps and a set of 6 flower printed 14oz beverage glasses. Now I have the pleasure of owning the bad boy of all cars, a GTS Viper! More power and chutzpah then anything ever built. Even the Harley riders give you a thumbs up. So I get out my slightly used Zaino collection and reread all the instructions. They tell me that I should put the LOC on real thin and that I should put on number whatever even more thinly. I come from the Gartlis days of "if more is better, too much is just right!" I don't care if this juice cost me enough money to buy 150 gallons of gas in the old days, its mine and I'll use as much as I **** well feel like. So I take the car to a guy to "Clay": it. Seems funny to me that to get your car clean you have to throw dirt on it, but I want to obey the word of Sal. $50.00 bucks later plus a GOOOOD tip the car is back in my garage and ready for treatment. I start with what is suppose to be enough LOC to do a school bus and run out on the back fender which is where I started. Now realizing that I can only get this stuff though the mail ( harder to get than drugs which only requires getting to a dark corner in Compton) I panic because its only 11AM and I have nothing else to do all day. I remember that my neighbor with the Z06 has some LOC so I go to his place BUT he's not home. He and I are good friends so I break in and borrow his LOC. Because someone has been taking his lawn mower gas, last week he put in an alarm system which malfunctioned while I was in his house. I had to get out of
there as quickly as possible to protect my ears. I did have time to get a little more gas. Anyway, I finish the LOC while the police conduct a house to house search which was kind of fun to watch. You don't have to wait for LOC to dry which in its self is un-American, even Glass Wax had to dry per Auther Godfrey. Now I start the number whatever which I have about 3 gallons of.
This I do not run out of, as a matter of fact I still have enough to do One front wheel. Then I see that I'm suppose to use a 100% cotton towel made in the USA. Nice touch Sal but I see through this ploy. I look through our "rags" and can't find any, my neighbor's house is under stake out so I'm forced to borrow from our (my wife's) linen closet. She has about 8 REAL BIG towels made in North Carolina of 100% Egyptian(???, see why I'm worried about Sal?)cotton. These cost us more than my last suit BUT nothing is too good for my Viper. The police helicopter circling overhead speeds the drying, I wait for the right instant and I attack the dried number whatever. In less then 15 minutes I've gone through 3 of those nice towels but the car looks GREAT. Now I get a cola and debate rather I should tell the police A) the truth, B) that my wife broke in to the neighbors to get more towels or C) they'll never take me alive. I decide on D, say nothing. I reach for my secret weapon, Z-6 gloss enhancer.The instructions tell me that I can do the whole car with about 1oz of this stuff, yea sure!!! I did some quick math and figured that if you spread 1 oz of this over one viper the thickness will be 1 /10,000,000,000,000,000.07". Since it takes several hours for me to count this high a use just about the whole bottle and our remaining 4 towels.When the car is done it looks better than new. I had a C-5 Vet before but Viper paint is much better applied. When my wife gets home I show her the car and remind her that she has to do the wash because we're out of towels. She throws a fit and goes for a visit to her mothers.
Now you can see my point. Sal Zaino is out to ruin every town
in the US with his rob your neighbor distribution system and his crafty way of getting you to buy cotton from Egypt. If you are a Viper owner your very marriage is in danger. But the worse thing of all is his "less is more" concept of applying product which is in complete conflict with the great American Don Gartlis. Maybe we should make Sal our Drug Czar since its harder to get his chemicals than any illegal drug besides Philadelphia Scrapple.
Actually this is great stuff, anything that reminds me of a wine cask (LOC's smell) is great even if it taste like hell.
Support your local police and watch out for that thieving neighbor.
there as quickly as possible to protect my ears. I did have time to get a little more gas. Anyway, I finish the LOC while the police conduct a house to house search which was kind of fun to watch. You don't have to wait for LOC to dry which in its self is un-American, even Glass Wax had to dry per Auther Godfrey. Now I start the number whatever which I have about 3 gallons of.
This I do not run out of, as a matter of fact I still have enough to do One front wheel. Then I see that I'm suppose to use a 100% cotton towel made in the USA. Nice touch Sal but I see through this ploy. I look through our "rags" and can't find any, my neighbor's house is under stake out so I'm forced to borrow from our (my wife's) linen closet. She has about 8 REAL BIG towels made in North Carolina of 100% Egyptian(???, see why I'm worried about Sal?)cotton. These cost us more than my last suit BUT nothing is too good for my Viper. The police helicopter circling overhead speeds the drying, I wait for the right instant and I attack the dried number whatever. In less then 15 minutes I've gone through 3 of those nice towels but the car looks GREAT. Now I get a cola and debate rather I should tell the police A) the truth, B) that my wife broke in to the neighbors to get more towels or C) they'll never take me alive. I decide on D, say nothing. I reach for my secret weapon, Z-6 gloss enhancer.The instructions tell me that I can do the whole car with about 1oz of this stuff, yea sure!!! I did some quick math and figured that if you spread 1 oz of this over one viper the thickness will be 1 /10,000,000,000,000,000.07". Since it takes several hours for me to count this high a use just about the whole bottle and our remaining 4 towels.When the car is done it looks better than new. I had a C-5 Vet before but Viper paint is much better applied. When my wife gets home I show her the car and remind her that she has to do the wash because we're out of towels. She throws a fit and goes for a visit to her mothers.
Now you can see my point. Sal Zaino is out to ruin every town
in the US with his rob your neighbor distribution system and his crafty way of getting you to buy cotton from Egypt. If you are a Viper owner your very marriage is in danger. But the worse thing of all is his "less is more" concept of applying product which is in complete conflict with the great American Don Gartlis. Maybe we should make Sal our Drug Czar since its harder to get his chemicals than any illegal drug besides Philadelphia Scrapple.
Actually this is great stuff, anything that reminds me of a wine cask (LOC's smell) is great even if it taste like hell.
Support your local police and watch out for that thieving neighbor.
