I tried everything I could (check fuses and reprogram FOB) before calling The Wizard - I know he's very busy so I don't like to bother him.
Sharing Wizard Knowledgery:
He said when pressing the lock button the red dash LED should light for a few seconds and then the horn will chirp later once the system is armed. When I press the lock button, the doors lock but no red LED nor horn chirp later. He said this is because the system checks 4 switches before arming:
1. Hood
2&3. Both doors
4. Trunk lid
If any of the switches do not give the closed signal the system will not arm. I tested the hood switch by holding down the plunger and hitting lock on the fob. This is the 1st test to do because it's easy and a common problem as the hood can change position over time. I even tested the switch throughout the position range and no dice. This means it's likely one of the door or trunk switches. The Wizard said those can be tested using a DRB tool and opening/closing the doors/trunk to see them work.
Thanks for the help Chuck!
I'm in Houston and looking for a place to bring it by. I've never gone to a dealership other than to pick up parts. Any suggestions?
Afterthought:
It's likely a door switch because my power mirrors are twitchy. Sometimes they don't move the mirror at all! I hear this can be a common problem because the wires get pinched/twisted going into the door?