ViperInBlack
Enthusiast
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2004
- Posts
- 973
- Reaction score
- 0
Is it still "paranoia" when people truly are out-to-get you? I think not.
Aside from the officially sanctioned State DOT Viper Hazards (there are State employees who have assigned tasks of digging *** holes and sprinkling tar-laden gravel on roadways), there are the Volunteer Viper Destroyer Teams (VVDT) which are citizens doing community service by damaging exotic cars.
This must be contrasted with the MKJVOYDC (my kid just vomited on your dumb car) which is a community action committee.
I have never fully understood why a single person rides in bumper-to-bumper traffic in a Chevy Yukon. All I am required to do is bounce down the road, try to see over the hood, argue with second gear lock out, strain to hear the radio and worry that bass notes from Deep Purple are sonics from an out-of-round crankshaft.
The Yukon driver, however, has the biggest challenge, he/she must put on makeup (metrosexual), read a book, sing to a CD of The Carpenter's Greatest Hits (an oxymoron), while talking on the cell phone to someone they saw 10 minutes ago while wildly gesturing with both hands. Oh, I forgot...and run over me.
I have never understood this entire enormous SUV craze. It is as illogical as a morning-after-pill for men. And if someone has a family size that requires that much space, they should consider forming their own country where they can hold elections for who rides in the ideal seat to watch the Shrek 2 DVD.
It is hard enough when sun, dust, rain, humidity, pollution, and air borne debris chases my Viper, but the humongous SUVs, that assuredly cannot see me, is beyond menacing.
We have, here in Atlanta, what is called, the HOV Lane. I naively thought it meant: "Hell...only Vipers" but apparently not. This lane is actually filled with crotch rockets, cool dudes and...Yukon’s. I can chew gum while driving; how do people eat a four course meal while driving.
I have a friend who seemingly has no peripheral vision. He sees what is ahead. He does not use a rearview mirror. He also does not see, nor hear; you when you pull up alongside and scream for his attention. He will never be carjacked. He will simply fail to notice someone pointing a "9" outside his window. If ignorance is bliss, his blindness must be nirvana.
I was sitting outside Mellow Mushroom two days ago (this is a pizza place which has a confessional for your guilt over saturated fats), dining outside so I could watch my Viper. The kitchen help had gathered at an exit door and were eyeing the car and discussing dismantling procedures and the value of used parts.
I had parked in a corner slot, approximately three light-years away from the closest vehicle. A woman goes out to her Suburban and begins backing up. And backing up...and... Before I could arise to shoo her away from the Viper, she had found something in front of her to menace (believe it was a baby carriage), and she dropped it into drive and lumbered off. She did not appear to miss a word on her cell phone nor waver in her application of lip gloss. Nice skills.
I know Harley riders have the same claims to oppression. People either do not see you or believe that seeing you constitute having sighted an enemy target.
Alice
Aside from the officially sanctioned State DOT Viper Hazards (there are State employees who have assigned tasks of digging *** holes and sprinkling tar-laden gravel on roadways), there are the Volunteer Viper Destroyer Teams (VVDT) which are citizens doing community service by damaging exotic cars.
This must be contrasted with the MKJVOYDC (my kid just vomited on your dumb car) which is a community action committee.
I have never fully understood why a single person rides in bumper-to-bumper traffic in a Chevy Yukon. All I am required to do is bounce down the road, try to see over the hood, argue with second gear lock out, strain to hear the radio and worry that bass notes from Deep Purple are sonics from an out-of-round crankshaft.
The Yukon driver, however, has the biggest challenge, he/she must put on makeup (metrosexual), read a book, sing to a CD of The Carpenter's Greatest Hits (an oxymoron), while talking on the cell phone to someone they saw 10 minutes ago while wildly gesturing with both hands. Oh, I forgot...and run over me.
I have never understood this entire enormous SUV craze. It is as illogical as a morning-after-pill for men. And if someone has a family size that requires that much space, they should consider forming their own country where they can hold elections for who rides in the ideal seat to watch the Shrek 2 DVD.
It is hard enough when sun, dust, rain, humidity, pollution, and air borne debris chases my Viper, but the humongous SUVs, that assuredly cannot see me, is beyond menacing.
We have, here in Atlanta, what is called, the HOV Lane. I naively thought it meant: "Hell...only Vipers" but apparently not. This lane is actually filled with crotch rockets, cool dudes and...Yukon’s. I can chew gum while driving; how do people eat a four course meal while driving.
I have a friend who seemingly has no peripheral vision. He sees what is ahead. He does not use a rearview mirror. He also does not see, nor hear; you when you pull up alongside and scream for his attention. He will never be carjacked. He will simply fail to notice someone pointing a "9" outside his window. If ignorance is bliss, his blindness must be nirvana.
I was sitting outside Mellow Mushroom two days ago (this is a pizza place which has a confessional for your guilt over saturated fats), dining outside so I could watch my Viper. The kitchen help had gathered at an exit door and were eyeing the car and discussing dismantling procedures and the value of used parts.
I had parked in a corner slot, approximately three light-years away from the closest vehicle. A woman goes out to her Suburban and begins backing up. And backing up...and... Before I could arise to shoo her away from the Viper, she had found something in front of her to menace (believe it was a baby carriage), and she dropped it into drive and lumbered off. She did not appear to miss a word on her cell phone nor waver in her application of lip gloss. Nice skills.
I know Harley riders have the same claims to oppression. People either do not see you or believe that seeing you constitute having sighted an enemy target.
Alice
